Quote:
Originally Posted by notablackbarbie
...i dunno  Im not functional when im down like this...but its familiarand feels safer. Curling up in a ball under warm blankets, to shut out all the noise - feels nice. Being numb and soothing myself with warm sweet food to get sleepy, after being sore & shocked from exposure (either externally outside or self-inflicted internally) - feels nice. Its dysfunctional in itself, but its a habit? Or all i know? Or im too afraid/angry/ashamed to do, be, or consider anything different?  *smaller voice* a lot of people have told me im not a bad girl. I dont know why i dont take in what they say as well as strategies and support from T - in all forms - to be/do/try better. I shouldnt still be this way...  Why am i still waiting for someone to get mad at me and beat me to get better? Why hasnt the encouragement/praise/critisism/support/feedback/teaching work? I am just so useless...  Why am i so wrong all the time ?!?!  This is frustrating!?!? 
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Wish I knew the right thing to say. I can relate.
You are doing the hard work. I don't think it comes with a loud sound or anything big. I think it comes slowly, like a barely audible voice. A tiny flicker of light. But it will grow. Trust yourself...