yeah I know I should...I have just never imagined what it would be like not to see her...I know I make up excuses for her I know that much...cause she really does have her good days...she did help us out in a very big way a couple times trying to help us keep our house but I feel like she did it because my daughter was living with us then..so I dont know...I have been thinking more about looking for my biological parents..to put a close on that chapter and maybe open a new door also...my oldest is really intent on wanting to know them and about her family she doesn't know now that she has a son she would like to put some history in there somewhere...lol...yeah seems like I get it from both sides but one seems genuine enough to try for and one I should just let go I know...I just dont know how to do that