thanks madisgram. I know it is good stuff...it just seems really stressful right now because more stuff just keeps coming up. tried to talk about it at the meeting tonight and was shaking horribly...but didnt cry. i think the tears finally dried out. i am just overwhelmed, drained, and stressed. i think i might call my old sponsor who will be a really good friend and see if i can get together with her this weekend maybe it will help me relax she has a calming effect on me. we'll see. thanks again.