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I have Social Anxiety Disorder.
It's an odd concept that I go over in my mind every single day. I wake up to a world who looks upon me with a blind eye. Sure, I have friends that I am very close to, but what does that matter if all I do is moan and complain about how sad my life is?
I have no social skills at all. I get along through life by simply being the respectful, trustworthy, hard working kid I was raised to be. I know I'm different from all of my peers; I hate junk food, I'm an exercise driven maniac, I hate Facebook and text messages (based off my perception of talking to an emotionless computer/cell phone), I read and write instead of watching television and playing video games.
I'm not a normal teenager.
And my anxiety in talking to people makes all of that much worse. Carrying on a conversation requires me to be on my toes, making sure that everything I say is relevant and will not cause me to look like a bafoon. I'm very love shy, not being able to talk to my own best friend for fear that I will make myself look like a fool and thus end the friendship. I cannot be infront of people and be the center of attention, I just cannot do it. The worst part is what I use to cope with my anxiety. Sometimes I'll do the right thing; exercise, write poetry, or read. Others, I will do the wrong thing; I'll hurt myself, go into my bedroom and stare blankly at the ceiling with tears in my eyes, or gorge on food until I'm writhing in pain on the floor (I have gained twenty pounds since the begining of Summer 2010 from doing this).
I hate being who I am. I hate not being able to have fun and talk to people normally like everyone else. I hate living my life in constant fear of my next move. I hate being a perfectionist.
.. I hate having Social Anxiety Disorder.
*Thanks to all who read it all. I know it's a long read, but I like writing. [:*
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