I've started to talk about my husband in therapy. Yesterday my T said "Ah, one reason you liked exT is that he acted like an adult!" Ha! Well, my exT was always at work when I saw him, so he may be pretty juvenile when he's at home like so many other men

@Sunrise - definitely what I loved was the relationship, how it made me feel, and the T's behavior in the relationship was an essential element. I learned many good things from him, things about myself and how to be happy, things that I treasure. He came with me on a journey from a place of great fear and sadness to a place of strength and positive thinking. So, it's about him in that way - a very special person in my life at a very challenging time.
But, because I knew little about him, we didn't talk about him, it wasn't about him the person. He was an idealized parent in many ways, like my fave professor in college. I could not talk to him about my husband or my intimate life - I was embarrassed for him to know that I had such a thing!
I think of that framework, the relationship, as something I can model or replicate in my own life. It's a process, this communication. Yes, a T is specialized in this area, but I'm sure my smart husband can build some skills, make minor improvements - he surely wants me to feel his love. He actually loves me, and my exT did not love me.