i really do think in my case i did allow it.
not resisting is not the same as allowing it - predators see the need to please as a weakness they can use against us - i was always taught to put everyone before my own needs and it sounds like you were too - they see this.

it didnt have to happen. i let it. i was never good at saying no. or not doing something i knew was wrong.

are you letting the other person off? were they older than you? perhaps they should have known better? did they initiate the action?

i always worry about the other person. even as a kid. i always let people have what they wanted. still do. its a mistake i made and have to live with. i should have said no or resisted or something. but didnt. i did nothing. therefore i was wrong.

you werent wrong - misguided perhaps - too nice perhaps even naive - but not wrong - dont take away their responsiblity - i dont know how old you were when it happened - but with me the person was older and i just wanted to please them - they knew this and took advantage of it - that makes them wrong not me - that is the hardest part to accept - that you had no power or control.... and they took advantage of that.

the more i think about this stuff the more disgusted i am with myself. what kind of person was i or am i. it will probably come up in t at some point. as this stuff is the main reason im there.