No, I don't know if it's just my lack of strength or my lovely ability to wallow in self-pity, but I've had trouble attending school since I lost my best friend in 6th grade. I lost all self-confidence then; I became a coward and couldn't face her in my class everyday, making new friends and shining bright while I was just pushed into a dark corner and was forgotten. It's become a habit mostly.. Going to school gives me anxiety, it makes me feel extremely overwhelmed (my school is one of the largest in the city), and being depressed.. it's already hard enough to wake up. I've done alternative things to public school (homeschooling and alternative schooling) but right now I'm in the middle of getting into something like that again.

I don't meet many people, and most of the get togethers and parties I'm invited to are all family related. They're full of either a.) screaming toodlers and babies or b.) drunken adults. I'm in the middle; at the age where I cannot fully enjoy a kids party for I'm too old and I can't fully enjoy an adult party because I'm too young.

I get that. I got back in touch with an old classmate who I had known since moving into this neighbourhood when I was 8. I had been friends with him up until 7th grade when I had withdrew from most social interaction as well as school for the most part.

We started talking again in May and we seen each other a little bit, and I thought it as fine. We laughed a lot and we talked a lot and he assured me again and again that I wasn't irritating or annoying. I found him quite annoying (he had a crush on me but didn't like keeping personal space) but tolerated it for the sake of some company. He's seen me cry and comforted me and we were in the middle of making plans when, now suddenly, we don't talk anymore. I've tried to say hi, and he barely responds.

I have a feeling it has something to do with the whole crush and the fact that I won't go out with him. He's liked me since I've known him but I'm just not as into that as most kids my age are and I've never seen him that way. He didn't get the hint and would continually keep asking.. I guess he finally did, or just gave up and I've been dropped because I'm not "avaliable". He did this once before when he was going after some other girl during the summer, so I have a feeling that this is the way it is.