I had a anxiety attack during my english class, again. I tried to leave but then I had to walk outside and it was dark and that made me freeze, just totally panic.

Meanwhile my T had called me, because I called her before the class when I was having trouble even getting out of my car to go inside. So she called me back and she tried to talk me down, I remember her telling me to breathe. I don't remember much else. But I made it to my car and then I was SURE I had hung up on her and I felt really really bad, so I called her back. Again. And left a message, and at the end I was crying (again) and said I know you don't want to call me back so you don't have to, but I want you to.

She did call me, about 3 minutes later. She said "zoo, I need to keep this short. I don't have anything left to give tonight. My battery is at zero. I know you're hurting and you're scared, and I understand that, and I have confidence in your ability to take care of yourself. I care you about you, I care about you a great deal, but I just don't have anything left to give right now."

And of course I cried all the way through that. when she was done I said "Ok....can you call me tomorrow or something?" and she said yes, she will call me tomorrow.

So, I'm trying to hold onto the part where she said she cares about me. She's never said that before. She's shown it a hundred ways, but it is good to hear it sometimes. I'm trying to hold onto the fact that she said she'd call me tomorrow.

I'm trying NOT to hear "you are too much for me, I can't handle you, I don't have anything left to give YOU." I'm trying not to feel abandoned and rejected. It is SOOOO easy for me to take those messages out of the most benign statements. And I'm so incredibly triggered and emotionally vulnerable right now. I'm trying so hard to feel okay.

Help?