Thinking about the holiday season has me down in the dumps and i have a constant lump in my throat. I have no plans. The last several years i haven't done anything. Used to go to my family but since my Mom died the family has collapsed, were all estranged and everyone is doing their own thing. I rarely speak to anyone anymore and no one contacts me. I try not to let it get to me but when the holidays come i just think of how things used to be and i get down. I don't have many friends, the ones i do are not in the area and have their own lives. I don't have much to do with my bfs family, i can't deal with them. My depression seems to be getting worse, the meds don't work, i don't think meds will ever work on me. My Dr. knows how i feel there not much he can do. We have changed my meds a few times already. I'm just unhappy with my life and feel helpless to change it. I'm very negative and it turns people off. I'm ashamed of how my life has turned out and therefore shut people out. Don't know how to be happy or how to be content. I read all kinds of self help books but they are no help either. Just need to Vent thats all.