Thank you all for your input. To clarify, yes I do live in Texas and going skiing would mean leaving the state. I would never talk to the child without talking to her father first and it being ok and I certainly would not take her without express written consent. (For one thing you must have written consent to take a minor across state lines if you are not a parent or guardian....not to mention ethical issues)

That being said, I think I will call her father and ask. Then it's his choice. (Well...and he has to consider how his ex wife will react.) It's really a hard situation all around. When I was seeing her regularly after he and I broke up we left it up to her (although she didn't know that). If she wanted to call and say good night she was always allowed to but if she didn't ask there was no phone call... same with in person visits.

If she's not still asking about me I don't think it's fair to suddenly pop back into her life with no intention of getting back together with her father...and then leave again. That's not fair to her and her emotional recovery from the breakup. But then I ask myself is it fair at all? Even if she is asking about/for me? Should I break the promise and stay away to allow her to heal and move on? I don't know if it's fair to ask a 5 year old to go from seeing me as Mommy to just a friend who comes around.

I feel like perhaps I'm clinging to this promise because I want to see her and that it may not be in her best interest.