Hey Rain

I'm sort of in the same position as you are. My fiance and soulmate has PTSD from her childhood and early adulthood. I wish I could explain .. but I'm sure that you understand what it is like living with someone that has PTSD. It is a rollercoaster of crazy, it really is. My partner is nowhere as off balanced as yours .... although she is very off balanced. From talking to others they have told me that the PTSD experience no matter how it starts is pretty much experienced the same in everyone. If she wasn't my soulmate I know that I would have given up on the relationship a long time ago. It takes a long time in this life to find a compatible partner and longer to find a soulmate.

What helped me lots in understanding .. was to regaining my center balance. I had to go away into the mountains by myself.. spend 7 days in the quiet fishing...getting back in touch with myself. It was very good for me. It allowed me the time I needed to clear out the garbage and see things clearly.

During this period she left me and moved back in with her family... they don't understand about ptsd .. sort of out of sight out of mind. She doesn't talk to them. I had read up on PTSD before but none of it made any sense to me. Unitl I was clear .. I reflected back after I re-reading more information and talking to others. Then I realized that there were things that I was doing wrong for her. Not that I was to blame .. no I can't share all the blame ..no way. Due to my lack of understanding ... I applied pressures I believe .. didn't guide her to do the correct things for her condition (gently) .. be there for her. She I believe preceived that my trip to the mountains was abandoning her. Just as you have stated with your husband and people abandoning him. I feel for you. It must be very difficult. You have to take care of yourself first ... I truly believe that!!! You can't help someone else if you can't help yourself and they won't help themselves.

With someone with PTSD they don't see things as we do. Thoughts, ideas, dreams, verbal cues, non verbal cues and just about anything can cause them to have a cluster and then spiral. They will not reach out for help from those that they care about, that is the most difficult thing for me to understand. From what I have gathered from everything .. the only thing that I can do is just love her, except her, be there for her and expect the unexpected. PTSD is CURABLE from what someone has told me. Although my reading suggested otherwise. I like the positive .. that it is CURABLE. The first thing though is time, treatment .. both medicine and counseling. To be there when they need you, refocus their energies to the positives instead of the negatives. I know it is a hard thing to do at times but if they can try to make the steps. Then I'm going to stand by her and fight for her. If she doesn't or won't I will have to move on in time and just be there for her .. in that yet still. I'm still in the middle of all this myself. I don't know how it is going to end. I hope with us growing old together. I'm prepared to expect the un-expected. I believe after her current cluster is over she will come home and with my help ... get her back on her meds .. go to counseling...and get back to taking some control of her life. I'm seeing some positive signs already she put makeup on yesterday, she has started writing on her book a little and said that she wanted to go to church. To you and I this are small items .. they are not .. she is trying to fight. These small things are big steps for someone with PTSD. Someone with PTSD I have learned you cannot push them ... you have to listen to the little things that they say .. some of the keys will be there.

I know that your relationship is very different than mine. The first thing is take care of yourself put yourself in a good place, make sure that you and your children are safe. That is the most important thing. If it is to be then bridges can be rebuilt and oceans can be crossed. With ptsd it just takes time and willingness to admit they have it ..really want to do something about it and begin to take some control for themselves. As loved ones we can only be there for them and try understand.

Take Care

Soulmate