I apologize now my thoughts are very random and something I cant really help so Im sorry.

I started a new job that I absolutely hate, or maybe its the boss. HMMM. I moved into my aunts house bc Im making to much to live where I was currently living. That has turn into a nightmareish hell. No matter what I do, I buy, or I say its wrong or never good enough. Anyways, Ive had recurrent through out the years of thoughts of hurting people, severely hurting. I was doing the dishes away and as putting them away I had a huge knife in my hand and well you know where this thought is going. These thoughts are towards everyone pretty much. My mother even. Then I love animlas and her cat rubbed against my legs and well I just wanted to kick it outta my way I didnt though, but I did raise my foot at her. I love animals I really do so please do not think of me bad.

My pdoc says Ive got bp 2, but how do I know that for sure? I mean I really dont lose sleep or anything, but my moods are so spractic and be such multiple times a day to where I really dont know what I feel constantly. It sucks. Very unfair.

Then what else ...I saw another relative where I work today and these assholes turned their head and completely acted like they were better than me. when in fact they are worse. They fraud the welfare system and slut around and stuff. Even they used my best friend to take them to las vegas and never paid him back thenthey feel its ok to treat me like this. Yeah iM GOING TO turn them in today for welfare fraud and let that kid she is carrying to a married man (told ya shes a slut) suffer bc im not paying for it. im sick of my tax dollars going to waste on kids and ppl like that when they feel its ok to treat me like that ill make them all suffer.

but how does my dr think i got bipolar when i really dont have the signs or i dont see them. Sigh...Am I really messed up in my head??