Hi Midnight. Have you talked to a therapist about this?

I used to do this with my ex's. The thing was they were late, and they were inconsiderate. And I did freak out. And that did probably push them away.

BUT, these guys were poor choices for me. I kept thinking by "correcting" them and trying to change them, things would be better. But you can't change someone else. I enabled them, and then if they pulled away, I desperately repressed my feelings and stopped complaining so I could "get them back." But I was hurt by their lack of consideration. If he says you are pushing him away, that may be partly true, BUT if he often is late, doesn't call or is otherwise unreliable, why tolerate that if it causes you pain? YOU CHOOSE whether to remain in a situation or not. Again, you can't change him. But you can accept that it causes you more angst than it is worth and move on. I know this is much easier to say than do.

I am reading a book about codependency right now to better understand and hopefully change my own behavior. That's what I gleaned from your posting - a possible codependent issue.