(((((((((((((((((((Susan))))))))))))))))))))))

It is interesting.....the title of your thread "Wishing I was NORMAL". I often sit around and think...What is normal? I dont beleive there is a "normal" only what society deems as acceptable.
In truth, being normal, to me, is rather boring. I think being ones self is the best thing you could be. I know you on a personal level and I find you to be one of the most caring, loving and generous person. I think that you have been so strong through all of this and that shows so much about your charecter. You are a survivor.

I am 32 and like you I look around at people my age and think...WOW these people are "old" (LOL). But if you sit back and look at it, we never had a chance to grow beyond a certain age due to the abuse we endured. This is not our fault. You put entirely too much blame on yourself when you need to look at the persons responsible and blame them. I also beleive that being childlike on the inside is not necessarily a bad thing. It means we can see things in different ways. This is a gift at times.

Your mother has caused you tremendous pain. I know that you struggle with this and I know how painful that can feel when we "feel" that our parents do not love us or did not treat us the way we needed to be treated. I struggle with this too. I look at myself and ask "what was I lacking? what could I have done better?" to make my parents love me." The truth is, you didnt do anything wrong. We are the people we are for a reason. I beleive that our parents lack the capacity to love and nuture for reasons we may never understand.

Remember, we love, we breathe, we survive in spite of what they taught us, despite what we endured at the hands of their abuse. We are STRONGER for it, even if we dont always know it.

Please know that I value you as a friend and a person and I think you are truely wonderful. So does Mare .

Love you,

Jen