Today has been really hard.

I cried at work. Usually I keep my emotions out of work. Actually, usually I keep the lid on my emotions too much. Today they excaped, big time. But then, 10 minutes later, I was able to go and teach good lessons. Figure that out if you can.

I am due to talk on the phone to my counsellor tomorrow. I don't know what I am going to say.
I am due to see my dr on Friday. I don't know what to say to him either.

Solleagues at work can't understand. Some of them accept that they can't understand how I feel because they haven't been there. Some are frustrated because they think I am angry (I'm not, just feeling unable) or because they feel I am being unreasonable. The problem is that we have been given a list of things which we should be doing all the time. They say because the things are impossible, they can live with that. I can't - I just feel inadequate. Then I feel I should do them. The paper says we should do them so the fact that I can't makes me inadequate and I need to try harder.
I'm stuck. People are telling me maybe I need to be off work. MAybe I do, but there are also lots of arguments for me being at work.
Posting this is scary.