I have had that issue for years, and still do. You described the identitity conundrum so well. Though I am still quite lost, I've just started going back to college for a degree in English, at 36 years old. I've been in college before, switching majors back and forth, and listening to people who told me that I had to study something that was in-demand and well-paying. Well, that's why I dropped out of college. I was confused and unhappy. It's time for me to do what I've known all along that I love.

What have you always liked to do? Think back to childhood or your teenage years, and the classes that you enjoyed. Think of activities that make you feel as though you lose time, because you are so engrossed that you don't notice it's passage. For me it's writing. It's different for everyone. It could be academic, physical, or artistic. It could be something others think of as mundane, like cooking, knitting, or even cleaning. Whatever it is for you, pursue your passion. You don't have to be an expert at it to start. You don't even have to be very good. Practice will make you good. The important thing is to begin.

There's a quote that says, "You are what you think about all the time." So, if you like painting, but think your work is poor, you're still a painter. If you like cooking, and cook regularly, then you're a cook. If you know what you're passion is, but haven't pursued it yet, then deep down you are still that person/label, just in latent form. It's your purpose. It just has to be begun to come out.

I know, I've heard this all before and refuted that I didn't have a passion, even though I know deep down I love to write. I said that I couldn't write because I have no ideas. So, that's why I'm going back to college. Somewhere inside you know what really interests you. If you need professional training to bring out the talent or ability, then get it. Just start. It doesn't really matter if we're ever able to make a full-time career out of it (though that would be ideal). What matters is that we do it at all.

We define ourselves by labels all the time, usually others' labels. So, try on some new labels. See how they feel. Tell yourself, "I am a ___." The one that makes you smile is your passion.

Also, your bipolar is not who you are. It is an illness. Do you say, "I AM the flu?" Of course not. You HAVE the flu, and you HAVE bipolar disorder. By searching for your passion and surrounding yourself with people who share your interests, your relationships will get easier because there will be a kinship, rather that mere competition for the achievement. You will be able to enjoy the process together. Don't be too worried about the friends you've lost. People grow and change, and it's not always any one person's fault. Just tell yourself that you are starting your life again on "reset," and be open to meeting new people who will help you to illuminate the path.