Quote:
Originally Posted by velcro003
Deli- i am genuinely curious: what do you see thats so "not ok" about it? The fact that she found her address in the first place? Or that she actually did it? like i said, i think it becomes an issue if it becomes a habit, or leads to obsessive thoughts about it. In my case, i knew my T's address because her child attends a program where i work and i take care of the registration forms, which she knows about- so she knows i have her info. Her house is also on a road that i take home when i am in that area, but i dont necessArily have to take that route. I actually dont even know the house because they are back from the road. I just dont see it as stalkerish behavior.
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i think the "not ok" part is that rainbow actually did it. i don't know how rainbow found her T's address, but often a simple google can turn things up like that & so maybe it was peripheral info that came up.
i'm not saying it's stalkerish behaviour, but i don't think it makes it "ok". it's just about basic respect, imo. i wouldn't do it to a GP, or a lawyer, or a teacher and i don't see why it's ok for a T to have their boundaries disrespected (ie right to privacy) simply because they are working in a more "personal" profession.
there is a large gap between this one-off event and stalking (but of course stalking also starts off with a one-off event
). but just because it isn't stalking doesn't mean that i think it's ok. it's still a violation of an implicit (social-norm) boundary and i would've thought basic respect for another would have been a biggish deal on these boards. i'm actually rather confused by all the responses saying its ok.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
deli, your viewpoint is valid though I disagree. I don't feel sad because I don't think it was wrong to drive past my T's house once. I've been triggered by her trip and it was something I couldn't stop myself from doing. I don't think she will be upset.
Peaches, yes she was scared because I looked up stuff about her parents online. I don't think she'll be scared now because she knows me a lot better. I feel different about it now, too. I feel more compassionate to my parts, including those who wanted to see her house. I know what the little parts want, and I'm working with them.
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im not asking you to change your mind, just entering into dialogue about our different viewpoints (which i've outlined in my reply to velcro).
i'd like to challenge your statement that it was something you couldn't stop yourself from doing. i think that's shirking responsibility in some way. you've stopped yourself before, you could have stopped yourself again?
similarly, looking after child parts also means learning when to draw firm but compassionate boundaries. little kids do not always get what they want, but they should be able to expect a caring older person to comfort them. maybe that would have been a better response - to enter into dialogue with your parts and comfort them in some other way? maybe you could have drawn a picture of your Ts house all together and given it to her as a welcome back gift?