i am really sorry to hear about your rough time right now....i think you should go to treatment right away. To heck with the expenses. this is your life you are talking about and it prolly will be far less expensive then the funeral. you prollly need to get into treatment right away so they can help you with withdrawels and what not. I totally agree with checking into the hospital saying you are suicidal. Techincally us drug addicts are so it isn't a lie. THis way they will get you the help you need. otherwise you prolly wont be getting clean. have you thought about moving? you havengt failed yet, you just havent succedded. relapses happen, we are addicts this is what we do sometimes. the good new is that recovery is possible. we jsut hae to find what works for us. I have checked myself in before to a hospital saying i was suicidal when i wasn't and most of the times the county paid for it.........look into that........there are resources available if you look..............best of luck and remember there is hope..........