They will love you no matter what. If you have a problem with mental help, it's best to get help now, not later.

And Vent here as much as you can. It doesn help, and it's around people who care!!!

As far as "messing up" goes, just be you!! and just don't rely on other substances to help you get through this. Start talking to us here, start hoping for a positive outcome. If you have some SI now.... and it's not taken care of... then it leads to messing up more. Stop while you can, if you want help and want to talk to us here. then do it. Your parents... well you can tell them you are talking to those who can help you with things that they don't really want to know about. They should respect you for your disisions. You can do it. with people who care all around you.