having a bad time of it now. feel like i'm losing e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e, or that i was foolish enough to think i had people who liked me to begin with.

spoke a tiny bit to austin-t about being a bad person (i let him know that's why things happen the way they do) but that's all i said because we had run over time anyway. he thought for a very long time and asked me to tell myself that it's something he & i would work through together, that i'm not going to think about it by myself for the next fortnight. he's leaving on hols in december, but he made sure he booked 3 appts with me before then because he doesnt want to leave me sitting with it.

so even though i'm trying not to think about it... it's all stirred up and i feel like crap. my housemate is leaving so i need to find a new place. i sussed out one place i was prepared to move to, but they rejected me. the same stupid guy ive been interested in this whole year is ridiculously flirtatious one day and cold shoulder the next. i think he doesnt like me but cant help himself, and then is mean in attempt to push me away. if i cant find a place to live my option is to move back home. i dont really want to deal with any of this.

i really need some hugs.