Yes, I think you have a good handle on the situation if you can continue to not react (with some certainty) when she supplies the stimulus. I have a similar situation in living with my elderly mother, some days are easier to cope than others. A lot depends on what I'm dealing with emotionally at the time. With both of you working hard to achieve harmony again, I feel sure you're going to make it. Good Luck to both of you. Love conquers all.