Hi Jazzy, what did you decide to do? Are you going to have a phone session or wait for your regular session? You said you wanted votes. In general, I tend to advocate for waiting until the next session, unless one is in a crisis. I think it is valuable to sit with feelings and process them in the absence of a therapist. I often find I can make a lot of progress on my own with reflection and processing, and feel completely differently by the time therapy rolls around. That allows me and T to start further down the road to whatever we are working on, because I have processed so much on my own. You wrote several times that you wanted to work on problems on your own. Waiting until one's next session is a way to do that. You work on problems on your own between sessions and then with your T at the session. It's like having your cake and eating it too. I know some others here communicate with their therapists regularly between sessions, and that works for them. I guess it is very individual and even for one person, can change from week to week. So, know thyself?

When I read that, I wished you would stay in therapy and not quit, so you would have the support your T can give, and you can work through and solve problems that are causing you to be suicidal. I think if you are feeling suicidal, you should call your T.

You mentioned deep-rooted issues but not wanting to work on these now. I have some deep-rooted stuff I haven't worked on yet in therapy also. It's not affecting my daily functioning, though, so I guess there is no pressing need to work on those things, but yet I want to! I really want to have all the stuff out in the open with my T and free up more inner space and reclaim energy and get rid of the effort and tension, even unconscious, that is required to keep that stuff hidden and under control. But yet that is balanced by "I'm doing fine right now." So, I struggle with this too.

I think this is important to discuss with her. You aren't in therapy to please your therapist, so that probably doesn't factor into her telling you to come as you are. I read in your post several times when you made assumptions about what your therapist is thinking and feeling. Now, maybe you are right, but maybe you aren't. It is good to check these assumptions with your therapist. You may find that she was thinking something completely different than you had thought. I think learning to communicate with another person in ways such as being direct and checking assumptions with them can be a really valuable outcome of therapy. You can use these skills forever in your life. So, if you are searching for other reasons for being in therapy (you said you had none but therapy itself), that is a good one! Not to mention the support one--which, in my mind, seems like it should be foremost. Please stay safe. If that means a call to your T, then go for it.