Zoo,
I really liked your email to your t. Thanks for sharing it with us. You were so articulate with your words and I could just feel your pain as I read it. I hope that she writes back to you and her letter is gentle and kind. I hope it will bring you a little tiny bit of reassurance about this whole process that you are going through right now.

One thing that my t shared with me. He is DBT t too. Is that just like a toddler there is always a big amount of dysregulation before learning or growing into something new. I think about those terrible 2's. He said it was like learning to walk as a baby. You stand and wobble, you fall down, you cry and get scared. It is a very trying time but eventually the child will (with loving help from parents) learn to walk sure and steady.

Even when I myself am in those moments I say to myself, "Yah but I am comfortable here right now, I like my t to be here and do this regulating for me. I don't want to change it." I always am glad in the long run that I did toddle and learn to walk. It gives me a sense of competence.

Remember your t won't take away caring for you or loving on you when you take your next step. Things may be a little different but you can rest assure she will still be there.