I love christmas and so on but yet every year starting from late sept sometimes october straight on into february sometimes march I just want to find a hole to slip into like a hybernating bear and and say wake me up when its all over with. one therapist suggested bipolar but that was ruled out when we corrolated my journal entrys, poems and so on and found the pattern - most of my abuse centered around holidays and those months. So now that I know why I cycle down this time of year its a little easier to fight. I ex off the days on a callendar so that I have a visual reminder that the cycle isn't going to last forever. I also do one special thing for myself every day. I always make sure its something I don't HAVE to do, or anything that I NEED and so on. Just something frivolous and just because. My friends have also gotten on board. One year the doorbell rang and there sitting by the door was a the biggest and most outragious bosten cream pie cup cake with the words "you're special" in icing on top with a circle of lit candles. To this day I still haven't figured out which friend left that one. each year I can usually figure who the "giver" is but that one still has me stumped and its been three years.

anyway yea I go through this too.