have had a really good week, since this time last Friday in fact.
I even thought for a moment that i was in control of my emotions. Now i know in fact that i am not.
I'll do anything not to crash.
I feel okish at the moment, just feel on a total anti climax.

Went to stay with an old work friend last night, we had an amazing night and today he drove me home, i know now that i wont see him for months as our days off rarely coincide and even its even more rare that i have enough money to go and see him when they do.
Its not this that actually upsets me, we text all the time and i'm used to not seeing him for months on end.
Its the whole thing of having such a good night, then nothing.

SO here's the situation, my friend and family are amazing, they dont actually know about the bipolar, but somehow always manage to be there when i need them, (well at the moment they seem to be) without even knowing.
G who i stayed with last night dropped me off at home at 5pm this evening, then i did my mums hair and make up til 7pm, her and my stepdad were going out for a meal at 7pm, so i arranged for my two amazing friend Jodie and Liam to come over until my parents got back, now jodie and liam have just gone home and my parents have gone to bed.
I cant seem to occupy myself, i feel lonely and empty.. I have arranged for my best friend to be at my house as soon as i finish work tomorrow at five, i feel like i cant wait til then, i need him here now! He's out clubbing at the moment, which i am not doing because i know how much alcohol depresses me.
i'm not going to be able to sleep tonight.
I just need to keep my mood from crashing somehow.
i'm trying to keep myself blank, cause i just want to stay 'UP' but i fear i cant.
TV isnt working, i cant keep my mind on it.
None of my friends are available to call, so i dont know what to do.