Quote:
Originally Posted by Ncal1986
I've used these forums for support (without posting anything) for years but I am in a really bad place and I don't know where or what it is.
Just as a primer: I have PTSD from childhood stuff, and EDNOS (purging type), both of which I am in treatment for with a wonderful therapist whom I see twice a week.
I am a really put together person even with all the stuff I'm working through, but this last week (or two?) I feel like my life has completely fallen apart. For the first time I alternate between staying up all night and then sleeping 20 hours. I've missed all my classes, my grades are going to drop from A/Bs to failing, and I've run out of money for food, but am not telling anyone because I'm embarrassed and because somehow not eating all day isn't that bad. I don't think it's related to the eating disorder because I could have NEVER gone a day without food, I think it's more like self harm, it's distracting me from the fact that my life just collapsed.
I also have prescriptions for Adderall and Klonopin (legit), but only after the sleeping and food problems started did I start taking Adderall because it numbed my hunger and Klonopin so I can sleep a regular nights sleep.
What scares me the most is that I'm already doing what I'm supposed to do - I'm seeing a great therapist who will now see me 3 times a week since I've broken down, I'm on anti-depressents that work (I'm not depressed just super panicky and feel trapped) and I'm not purging. With my kind of issues people usually advise to get professional help, but I already am!
What does it mean when you're getting the best treatment and you still fall apart? Is this something normal, to be fine for a long time and then have new symptoms and feel totally out of control, like you don't know what you'll do or what will happen one day to the next?
Sorry this is so long, it's just that I can't talk about this with anyone because once I tell them I'm already in treatment, they don't know what to say. I'm just really scared, I feel like out of nowhere I fell off a boat into the sea. If anyone has advice/similar experiences/anything, it would really help me. Thanks
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Sorry your feeling badly
Sounds like some major anxiety/panic issues. Your world can fall apart really quickly when you are overwhelmed. What do I think...hmm, I really think you need to tell your best T exactly what you told us. I'm not very good at opening up either, but I have times where I have NOTHING to lose by doing so. Sometimes you gotta bite your pride and just go for it. Usually anxiety stops us (anxiety is sorta related to shame in some ways too) from sharing such very important things.
I don't think you should tell this to JUST ANYONE-- you need to tell this to a professional whom you trust. I think you need to say whatever you need to in order to get your needs met, and not give a damn what they think.
What do you think about telling your T by making a phone call for another appointment to discuss how to handle this? I think this is important, and I'm sure your T will too.
