No I know what it feels like, like I am not important, oh please don't mistake that for vanity and wanting cries of "Oh but you are" LOL! I mean growing up in an angry family one believes their own importance because thats all there is, one believes their anger is great power, because it appeared to when its coming from everyone and everyone is reacting to everyone elses anger, it all gets very dysfunctional and feelins of healthy self worth are replaced with narcissistic feelings of importance. I guess T's "steadiness" this week makes me feel unsure, shes' not blamed me for anything, not accused me of hurting her, and that lives me in new terrority, its not what I'm used too, it feels too, well to quite. Its the feeling of loss of the false sense of importance, its scary, I have to trust that this doesn't mean I become like the hole in the dougnut.

Cripes just how crazy is a crazy family? what mental twists it creates, growing up shouting at each other and that creates a feeling of importance, how crazy is that?!?!?!

I think I'm gradually climbing my way up to mediocre, I'm just not that important, I'm not the centre of anyones life, I'm thinking T is so eaten up with saddness this wkend and she's proberbly out enjoying her life and barely remembering last weeks events LOL!!

ohf**khowf**kedupamI? LOL