Hi on this Saturday!
I'm writing because I attempted to explain the unexplainable early this morning on no sleep and feeling as I am TOTALLY DESTROYED and wondering what I did to get here.
I wrote an everlovin' book,that mande NO sense,and am sorry for anyone who opened it in kindness, but noone could read or understand my rambling. Basically,I have so very much happening and so much past junk that I don't know where to start. I fit so many mental health and physical health probs, that I doubt anyone else can sort out my life, if I can't even summarize it.
I'm alone,scared as ever, having severe physical pain,trying to find something to stop hearing the cruel things my own 2 children have recently flung at me for no real reason. They don't think I've tried to go to enough therapy and I'll explain that if anyone wonders. It's alot, and now,my not going for the sake of being there for my family over and again, is a "fault". Not anything appreciated or for me to feel proud of. I'm terrified mostly,because I am very full of Faith In God.So have my kids been. Or so I thought. They aren't really invested as usual, and for them, i am afraid. Lastly,since I was little,I prayed for things that I was most afraid would end up as "my life". The thing is, my fears are honestly,truly and very consistently coming to BE my life! Losing immediate family very young and close together date wise, I have begged NOT to lose my adult loved ones in ANY way.Death,or just their deciding I wasn't worth their time. One did happen and the other IS looking very likely to soon be as I feared. Toooo much more. So,when or if anyone has anything to add or some HELP?!!