I can totally relate. I've spent years feeling that I was stupid, incompetent, and that there was something really wrong with me (well, there was, but I didn't know what it really was at the time!). I couldn't face people, had no friends. Then, I'd go hypomanic and everything would change: people wanted to be around me, I felt I could do almost anything and do it well, etc. I wondered why I ever felt differently! Then the depression phase would hit again, and I'd think about what an idiot I'd been, thinking I could do anything, or have friends. Sorry for the long reply . . . but this topic deserves notice. Depression destroys your self-esteem. It's not a voluntary thing. It's part of the disease just as much as a fever is part of influenza. I've found that no amount of "self-talk" or even therapy could change that. And I agree with Beth: do you think your meds are working? I hope you'd be open to a med tweak . . .