thank you for everyone respond to my post. I am so grateful when i feel understood and heard by others who know or been in similar situation. I think its a great idea to focus on me getting peace of mind. I go to these alanon meetings. nobody there has bipolar but its where I am trying to accept and love myself. The only way I think to find peace doing that is separate me from my illness..It is so hard. But I keep trying..and advice you gave to not compare myself to my partner is very appreciated advice.

Have a Wonderful Peaceful Day,

Hugs, Rainwater