Welcome rainingstarfire; I agree with the others it is your choice whether you take medication and I agree that some of the medications can mute who we truly are.

For me the right combination of medication has helped me and I'm now the person I was supposed to be i.e. I'm not depression or the hypomanic episodes. It took time for me and my pdoc to find the right combo (3 years), but it was well worth the time.

I hope the depression lifts soon for you soon and you find this site supportive.