Bama, this is so heartbreaking. I respect you even more than I already did after reading what you wrote above. You are meant for much better than that. I really hope you can break free. I know that your family and godchildren are important to you, but if you can manage to get clean and get AWAY from there for a little while to regain some perspective on what normal life is like, you could return and be a HUGE asset to your community.

If you can get clean, I'd like to see you run for mayor or governor someday. Seriously... you are smart enough to turn it around for more than just yourself. You just need to get away from the mess so that you can find your head again.