While internet forums "lack tangibility of real life relationships" they actually have a different function. How honest can you be with everyone around you, your friends, your families, your doctors even? Why can't you be completely honest? because they may judge you , or hurt you, or they wont understand? That's what this place is for, this place is like talking to your best friend, your best friend who wont judge you or hurt you with ignorance because your friend feels the same way.

I see you making some automatic statements about how your feeling. The words we sometimes use make a big difference, and you know finishing thoughts is VERY important. I see you making statements but not really thinking about these statements with anything other then anxiety, you need to break them down take them one at a time. When you spew them all at once they seem overwhelming and impossible to change and i know that must be difficult for you. I can recommend something that has helped me if your interested.It's a bit of a bit of a guideline you may utilize in helping yourself answer some of these things for yourself. Here are the questions you can write down to help go through your automatic thoughts:

1)what evidence supports this idea?
2) what is the evidence against this idea?
3) is there an alternative explanation?
4)What is the worst thing that could happen?
5)Could i live through it?
6)Whats the best thing that could happen?
7)what is the most realistic outcome?
8)What is the effect of my believing my automatic thought?
9)what would be the effect of changing my thinking?
10) what should i do about it?
11) what would i tell_________(a friend) if he/she were in the same situation?

This has been a real help to me and I'm sure if you give it a try you will see that these feelings/thoughts do not have to envelop you, when each statement is questioned and studied in depth you can start to make decisions about how you really feel, and take steps towards challenging your automatic negative thoughts.Just some food for thought, I'm really glad you felt comfortable enough to come to PC and be honest about how your thinking or feeling, good for you, that's a great first step in feeling better! Please keep us posted about how your doing, and if you do try the questions let me know how it works for you, I'm really interested to see if these same things help others as much as they have helped me.

Best of luck,

Ryask