Hello everyone. I guess I'll explain myself. I've been feeling pretty down, and I know why. It's because I stopped getting ECT treatments. However, the ECT scares me...it makes me nauseous/vomit, so it's out of the question. I'm trying to live my life with my medications: 10mg Abilify, 800mg Tegretol, & 500mg Seroquel.

I'm not in therapy because of an extremely long waiting list. The only therapy I tried was group therapy, which annoyed me extremely, so I stopped that. I would only like one-on-one therapy. I do see a psychiatrist every month or so. My next appointment is December 2nd.

Lately I've just been feeling unmotivated about life. It doesn't help that I know someone who has been missing for over 72 hours, and I am fearing the worst. I'm also stressed out about moving into my first apartment with my brother, worried about finances and all that.

I just get these thoughts...not super serious or anything, but thoughts about OD'ing, even though I can't (my medications are locked up, and the key is kept by my father), SI'ing, running away and hurting myself, etc...

How can I keep myself happy and excited about life, without doing the one treatment (ECT) that helps me? What do you guys do when you feel depressed? I'm worried that things will eventually get worse, and I'll have to call crisis or stay in the hospital or something.