Hi melissa - so sorry you're feeling so bad! The only advice I can give is to weigh the pros and cons of your treatment and do the right thing for your well-being.

When I'm depressed, it's hard to remember why I bother to stick around. The only thing I do at all is to be here, trying to feel better.

What actually turned out to be the one thing to help me out of it was an unknown benefit of being glued to my computer. My screen saver is a slide show of my photos..once I sat doing nothing for long enough that the pictures started and I watched them for hours. Now I watch them deliberately and it really does make me feel better. I hope that helps! Sending you tons of hugs and depression lifting vibes....