I went to group this morning. It's at my Ts office, and it's for people who have completed the regular DBT skills training group. It's more of a process group, and it just started up again last month after not meeting for about 6mos or so.

So, today it was me, groupT, and one other person. This other woman, M, is someone I met during the skills training group about 18 mos ago. We became really close and for about a year we visited a lot and talked on the phone pretty much every day.

Then, about 6 mos ago, she just cut off all communication with me. It was confusing and frustrating and most of all, hurtful. I missed her a lot, especially at first.

Today was the first time I've seen or talked to her, and OMG you guys. It was so awkward and horrible.

We started out with a mindfulness exercise that lasted about 5 minutes. By the time that was over I was ready to leave, and I told the T that. But I stayed and we spent the next 90 minutes talking about what happened between M and I.

It was pretty awful, nobody likes to hear someone's thought process in decided to stop being their friend. She pretty much said it was because I shared too much of my history with her and it was "too graphic".

What really hurts about that is that she kept asking, and as we became closer I trusted her. I told her details I have only ever told my T and one other person. And M doesn't have a history of abuse at all, so it's not like she got triggered. It was just too "distasteful" for her.

UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH

I have struggled with this so much in my relationship with my T. I felt guilty at first for telling T those details, because I didn't want her to have to think about that. It is really REALLY hard right now to not feel like I am damaged and dirty and disgusting.