Hi, I've never posted in here before, so... a little about myself: bipolar, ED, ADD (OC traits); college student, great friends, love socializing. Unfortunately, I can't seem to be alone for more than a few hours w/o developing anxiety. Usually at times when I'm totally absorbed in something else (like studying). I'll just suddenly be overwhelmed by this feeling, and have to stop what I'm doing to calm myself down. Which doesn't last, either.

I've started taking my anxiolytic med again (Vistaril) but I really hate what it (or Xanax) do to me... I slept 15hrs today (didn't even wake up for the first 12). My mom stopped by woke me up, & for hours I was stumbling around, w/ "motor-retardation" (or whatever it's called)-- felt like I was intoxicated.

Anyway, I don't know what to do anymore w/ these anxiety "spells" -- I've tried everything (I use cognitive-behavioral type self-help stuff...like accepting/releasing anxiety vs. feeling out of control/helpless & focusing on stopping it). I've read that for all anxiety disorders perceived control is more important than actual control over anxiety, or situations in life. But none of this works, anymore. I'll go to a nice field to sit and study in the sun (to calm myself) but I feel physically horrible the whole time (like a knot in my mid-section, & sense of unease).

Of course, the instant I'm talking to, or around friends, I feel like my anxiety just melts. But comes back when they leave. I keep telling myself positive things about being alone, like that I should enjoy the peaceful silence, all of the self-reflection, & the ease getting to do whatever I want, whenever I want (school permitting). But it really doesn't matter. I live alone because I was becoming too needy w/ my friends (they seemed to be pulling away, & I was afraid of losing them).

Why is this happening?! I know that every thing's fine when I'm alone, but I can't get on w/ my life. I also have anxiety dreams & graphic nightmares of being killed/mutilated, or watching masses of ppl being killed (& I don't even own a TV, so never see violence). It seems I either experience anxiety at night, or in the day.
~Jessie