After my morning AA meeting today, I met my sponsor for lunch to go over my step 4 and do my step 5. I bawled my eyes out through it, and now I am completely emotionally drained and exhausted but in a good way. I can't believe the amount of old emotional stuff I've been dragging around for years that's not doing me any good and just getting in the way, and it's amazing how the same character defects kept comming up over and over in my step 4. By the time I was done writing it - I was actually getting bored writing "self-pity". But at least now I'm aware of what I have to work on and know what to ask my HP's help with.

Speaking of the old HP, I've been a long time skeptic about religion, God, and the whole prayer thing - lots of bad childhood associations - so I've been pretty resistant to suggestions about praying. But lately with being so stressed out and anxious about job hunting, plus being worried about a couple of friends I decided I had nothing to lose and try giving prayer a chance. So I've been praying regularly every night for about a month now - and I am finding it's helping. Or at least it's helping keep my anxiety levels to manageable levels so that I can sleep. So I'm starting to think there may be something to it, but it still feels a little weird, since I'm not exactly clear on what / who I'm praying to. But I had an appointment with my psychiatrist this week and we were talking about how I was doing & I said my anxiety levels were really high which is bad cause my natural reaction is to just completely shut down. He asked if there was anything that helped and I said that deep breathing exercises really helped and that though I felt a little funny saying I was finding praying helpful. I was really hesitant to tell him that, because this guy is a senior research scientist and about as clinical as they come. Well he almost got animated, or as close to animated as I think he's capable of becoming, and said that that was really excellent, and started quoting all kinds of research statistics about how prayer was shown to be helpful to people and generally that if I could do it, it was a really good thing.

So at last I have my med team and my AA team in agreement on something, and that seems to be that I should keep praying. So I'm going to keep doing it.

--splitimage