Hi, hope you are working through things! Just remember that alcoholics are sick, they are addicted. That was my grandmother, my Mom's Mom. Inside her there was this intelligent, fun, loving person. My dear, dear husband who also adopted my children, brought this out to me and my Mom, and helped my Mom so much. When my own Dad would not go get Grandma from the resthome for holiday dinners, my husband would drive out and get her for my Mom. He said, what was in the past was in the past!! She is old now, and needs someone. Grandma would join in and play bingo, sing all the old songs from way back, went to all the church services she could, etc. But, if we would have taken her to town and turned her loose, she would have headed right for the nearest bar. It is such a struggle, but I hope you can find the good things to love about your Mom, since it seems that is what will heal your heart. Anyway, that is the feeling I get from your writing. Go ahead and love her for all the good things! You are allowed!!! Happy holidays!!! Carol