wow this is sooo much like my situation its scary. its not selfish dont feel guilt u deserve to have peace & happiness. after being in an emotionally abusive marriage for over 11 years i had it despite begging him over & over to change & have him dismiss my feelings basically the whole verbally abusive criteria. we have a 13 yr old & a 3 yr old together & it gets to the point u gotta think about u yourself & u! he made the whole divorce so nasty i have caved & am letting him come back not that i want to. dont love him anymore i hate him for not just giving me the divorce without grief along comes a guy a went to school with & over the summer while we were separated he would make it a point to walk by my house quite often not come in just walk by & have small talk & his buddy lives next door so very convenient. my husbands mom died oct 9 & i was stupid enuff to go play comforting wife. i dunno when i try to explain i dont want us anymore he guilts me with that which i know it was stupid course maybe if i hadnt i wouldve been like damned if i did damned if i didnt. while we were apart one of his buddies told him sex favors i did for drugs when we were screwed up on that stuff & he still wants to come home!!! in the meantime since my friend knows were gettin back together he never walks by anymore. its funny ya know before we split me & my friend started givin each other looks like little secret flirt signals & day before yesterday he was across the street at his buddies & he did a signal & then on my walk here they came down the alley in the truck & he did another one. i feel like im goin crazy i miss talkin to him soooo much im depressed like i just feel monotone he made me laugh like i hadnt laughed in years & was a complete gentlemen when it came to interacting with me. like he cuts everyones grass & i will always see him just walk right on into everybodys house but he would always knock on my door & wait for me to answer & never did come inside. well enuff of me u are strong & brave for raising your kids going to school working even if things dont happen with your friend it sounds like your hubby is a complete *** like mine & u deserve to get as far away from him as u can. the only thing im going on is mine drank did drugs even though im recovering alky & i finally quit the drugs. he was a very hateful man the only thing im thinkin is maybe itll be different if hes not drinkin but i doubt it because if your quitting for anyone but yourself u just end up even more ugly & resentful. i feel guilty cuz i have thoughts like i wish hed die & i would be free but then i ask God to forgive me. i dunno just feel so hopeless depressed sad i keep telling myself Gods will be done & in His time its just so upsetting