Wow--- it's as if you have just written a part of my story!

I call my favored sister- the "golden" one-- and her children have always gotten birthday weekends at my mom's -- but not my kids or some other grandkids. One of my brother's-- (I've mentioned him in other posts) had a daughter that got a brain tumor and was not expected to live past 8-- - I'm thinking my mom kept her distance from that grandduaghter because she saw her illness as "flawed"---(that brother is a failing health- alcoholic now) My mom can only accept what she perceives as "perfection". There have been other family members that have not received her love and attention ( I'm from a large family-- my mom has 15 grandchildren and 13 great grandchildren). It's like she sets the bar and those that don't meet her expectations aren't "rewarded" with her love. Like you, I tried so hard growing up-- following the rules- working hard in school-- but I could never reach the bar set so high. I'm still struggling with the idea that it's not my fault.

I think it is so awesome that you pointed out to your mom about how she was behaving. And I'm glad that she actually attempted to change her actions. You GO GIRL!!!!!!!! I can imagine that good and strong feeling must be wonderful-- and well........ the "love" part, IMO-- has to come to you from inside you. Be the mother to you that you always wished for-- with acceptance, nurturance, understanding and compassion. >>this is what I'm currently trying-- ever so clumsily!!

Wishing you much healing.

mandy