Just wanted to say that I do understand the 'forever' feeling. The lack of clarity about exactly when she's home and when you'll hear from her must feel really difficult. From everything you've said about her, I think she'd be fine with you emailing just to say 'can you let me know when you're home and safe'. For her summer holiday, my T came back 'home' on Saturday night but not back to work (and phone contact) till Monday morning. When I told her my anxiety about whether she'd get home, she offered to text me on the Saturday evening just to say 'I'm home safe and I'll text again on Monday morning'.

I'm glad that posting here lessens your anxiety and helps you to feel connected to your T. I certainly don't think you should be embarrassed by the intensity of your feelings. They are understandable in the context of that relationship and of the things you needed but didn't get until now.