I'm gonna summarize this, because it's actually pretty long.
I moved to a new country, the first 2 weeks, with a combination of meds, legal and illegal, I was completely high off my face.. Now because I am usually extremely low, being 'high' to me, is like, being 'normal' to a lot of people.

So I socialised, I made the effort to meet new people, make friends, try to fit in, etc etc etc

One of these people is an old family friend I havent seen in about 6 years, 6 years ago we were barely on a aquaintance level, but now, being 'expats' in this enviroment, he calls all the time, wants to hang out, I'm even worried he might like me.

I postponed and postponed and now I just dont pick up the phone.

This is rude.

WHY?

Because now, I am that low again. I spend anytime i dont have to work in bed, reading a book a day when i can concentrate on that, idealising suicide, hating everything, not speaking to people for days. My depression is clinical yes, but my current situation is pretty EPIC and messed up, its actually the stuff of movies. I am desperate, and I am alone in this.

Here's my question... The person he met wasn't really me. If I opened up to him about depression maybe, maybe, maybe, he might be sympathetic, if I open up to him about the other factors, the situation, he will NOT. No one does, I've tried using the common (a friend of a friend) thing anonymously lots of times with random people. They all think it's pretty hopeless. They are right.

So in a way. Yes i'm lonely. But i am not able to be a reliable friend to anyone at the moment. I am not able to even be a reliable adult who takes care of themselves.

But he keeps calling.

A simple vague excuse with a hint of truth could backfire...
Plus if he tells people, other mutual friends... That will be horrible for me.
I don't know what to say.