I have a suggestion but I don't know how to phrase it because I know how hard it is when residing on the plane of existance you are on right now. On graduating highschool you entered that no-where-land between childhood and adulthood. For all intents and purposes you are an adult but until just a short time ago you were treated as a child. This is something that totally sucks about our society and the school system at this time. Until you graduate you are not given the respect, honor and responsibilty that an adult would recieve then one day you walk down the commencement isle and suddenly you are expected to enter the adult world RIGHT NOW. There is no adjustment period, no lessons on how to act, no real guidance on how one behaves as an adult. Is it any wonder that so many kids blow their first year in college on booze and drugs and the opposite (or same) sex? And those who don't go to college are left with the angst of "What do I do now?" so they go into unfullfilling work and wile away the time often hiding their depression under alcohol and other vices...such as cutting.

But you gave the answer to the problem in your post. You found comfort and beauty in church with your groups. You feel lost and out of place now that you have passed the milestone into adulthood. I know this idea is going to sound way to big but it needn't be and it would kill two birds with one stone. Why don't you go to your pastor and talk to him/her about how you feel. It will give you a chance to tell someone how you feel and the worries you have. It will also help your pastor to see that there is an important niche that needs to be filled. You could be the catalyst in the beginning of a new group of people who share their fears of being thrown out into a world they have only just begun to figure out. I would give you and others a new connection to your church and help you stay close to your G-d when you need it most. You wouldn't be doing it alone. You would get help from so many different people in the church, from you pastor to the secretary to leaders of the other church groups who would be more then happy to lend a hand and show your new group how to make things work.

Please don't automatically say "I can't do that." It would be my first inclination to shrink from the idea. It sounds so big and so scary to me but it makes such good sense when I look at it from the outside. Give it some thought. Let me know what you think about it.
Carrie

<font color=blue>The soul should always stand ajar ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.--Emily Dickinson