Hello melanie,

Your situation is a difficult one and your bf's wife will be exactly how she wants to be and nothing could change that hon so try not to worry. Her thought pattern is that you slept with a married man. She has in her mind become the wronged one no matter what shape the marriage was in. In this case your bf is right in saying that she wants to be the martyred one in the whole scenario.

I agree with both you and sunrise that it would be a good idea to hold off on moving in. 3 months is not a long time and you honestly don't know what is going to unfold. She will tell the boys that you are the reason he left them, and will place as much hatred into them as she can, not thinking how much it harms them, only satisfying her own need for revenge. She is not thinking rationally so there is nothing you or your bf or anyone else can do to make a lick of difference where she is concerned; she will truly not listen to anyone except those who agree with her in her feelings thoughts and attitudes.

You must try not to allow it to stress you up because that would be her first aim; secondly it will be to turn her sons against you before they meet you, thirdly it will be to get the boys to act poorly towards you, and finally to break you up. She may have decided that she really does love him and wants him back; she certainly doesn't want anyone else to have him, especially not you because you are the first cause as she sees it (unreasonable thinking remember), of the marriage break up.

Your very best plan of action is to take a deep breath and release it; let it go and do not let it lodge itself anywhere in your psyche. Understand that she is a very bitter scorned woman; put yourself in her position and think about how you would feel. Then allow her the anger and pain she feels, just don't you take it on board.

No matter what state the marriage was in, she would still have some love for him and you impinged upon that marriage and that love which may have only been a comfortable situation for both of them because it's what they had been doing for years.

Bear it with dignity, because those family members you have met know for themselves who you are and what you are like, and they would appreciate themselves how happy you two are together, and how happy you have made him.

Good luck and stay strong