heres the conversation. i'm not proud of everything I said but somebody tell me i'm not crazy. ugh.

(the only changes I made were to take out the Ts names)

her:
I really enjoyed seeing u yesterday. i left with a completely differant understanding of where my emotional mind has been stuck in regards to our situation and the role I have played in it. Old tapes, along with old fears have once again has left me alone. I'm glad u stayed at the group yesterday it sure helped me. Running is getting me no where except stuck in the same place.
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me:
I'm glad you felt better. I certainly left feeling worse and am only glad I see t tomorrow So I can talk about it with her. Very confusing and upsetting.
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One thing has stuck in my mind since yesterday. Why, if It was so traumatizing, why did You keep asking and asking? I cannot understand that.
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Actually, if we have learned nothing else through this it is that this isn't effective communication. Call me if you want to but if you can't stand to speak to me then don't text either, OK?.
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I liked you. A lot. I cared about you and I am a very loyal friend. You threw that away because of YOU and your issues. Not because of me and mine. Somehow yesterday you managed to blame it all on me and groupT and I sat there and let you get away with it. You violated me again and I wish to god I had had the sense to defend myself or at least walk away. The fact that I didn't is on me, but I don't have to sit by and let it keep happening. **** it.

her again:
------Wow, i don't think we were in the same room. i answered groupt's and she did a great job leading us through the conversation, or that's how i saw it. if u had something to say, you're right it's on u that you didn't. u heard want u wanted to hear, but could of gotten your anger out in a more appropriate way. i understand u want this to be all about u, but it really isn't. U are being overly judgementle and defensive. I won't except your anger. Whatever else is going on for u this last week you r just dumping all your anger on me. I'm sorry u feel the way you do. i can't read your mind even sitting 3 feet from me, and i can only assume if groupt was reading your emails tonight she too would be surprised. Being stuck in an emotional mind only adds to your stress level. I was hoping yesterday's conversation could of cracked the door open to us talking, but i see that's not the reality after these hate filled emails. i hope you can talk out whatever is upsetting u tomorrow with t, because I'm not the main issue.
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me:

Yeah. Maybe we never were in the same room. I'm so glad you feel better though. That's what really matters.

It's not ****ing email its ****ing texts, first of all. Secondly, the fact that you still refuse to speak to me told me all I needed to know tonight.

Don't worry, t and groupt will both be reading this exchange.