Well... I was gone from this stie for 4 days.. and no one missed me. Guess that's a good thing.. that my disability isn't upsetting or demanding full attention from members anymore. So I've grown in that area. I've been gone.. in excruciating pain. I was in pain the last couple of days I was onsite here (12th etc..) but received so little support it was no longer worth coming in (the little support versus the great effort it took to be here.)

I'm posting under my PTSD thread because that's the culprit of it all... I have myofascial response to stress... due to the PTSD. My physical therapist went out of town for a week and I was scheduled to see another (because I get into pain/contracture problems if I don't get pt) and the new guy was running too far behind to see me.. anyway... I suffered quite severely... the more I tried to manage the less it seemed to have effect.. too much stress... even though I isolated myself from here, and everything else in life (except T) ... some still crept in... my muscles spasmed so ... that it pulled my SI out and they (the spasming muscles) ROTATED my pelvis out of place. My T keeps explaining how certain ppl response mysofacially to trauma (your's truly being one of those certain ppl.) It isn't mind over matter here... Life continues to intrude into.. my miserable "life" I know that doesn't make any sense. The pain level is lower it's only a 9 or 8+ lately with spikes to 10. I can't be around here till I can find a better level... while I appreciate the messages of good wishes, the few retorts of non-caring members affect me more than I should allow them to... and I'm worse for coming.

I wish it was all in my head/mind, for then I would have fixed it. I asked the PT again, if there was anything permanent to fix this, he said no or we would have done it long ago... I asked what do other ppl do that have this kind of (sobbing) pain... he said they do the best they can with it... My T, in answering that said basically the same words: they manage as best they can.. like I am doing. Well, my best isn't good enough. I can't do anything for anyone... and haven't had a decent meal (I can't handle the pain to sit and eat much less eat out) in a week... I'm at the bottom of the barrel folks. At least there isn't anyone who has to live with me, I doubt they could handle the loud sobbing in pain. There's nothing else anyone can do.... if I try to do anything in life, it results in increased pain.... I'm not sure what decisions I have to make.. but I can't do this kind of pain much longer. Sorry I haven't been around to support you lately. Thanks for reading all this, anyway. TC