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Originally Posted by Detia
Alright, this could be a trigger for anyone, and I would hate to be the cause of a trigger so please read with caution. Thank you very much...
There's something that's bothering me and that I don't really understand. I don't like to talk about it, but I know that I'm on this site to seek help and support so... Here it goes.
I have cut, and I am constantly resisting the strong urge to cut again. I haven't for about 3 months now, and so I'm really proud of myself. However it feels like any day that could change.
Perhaps the most frustrating thing about this is that I haven't always cut because of any sort of emotional turmoil or pain. Instead I am disturbed because a good portion of the time I will cut merely.. To cut. To see the blood, to see the skin sliced over, and then to watch it heal. It's more of a fascination and a curiosity for me. This seems to be the urge that I am desperately combating right now.
And so I don't understand, and I'm trying to figure out why I have such stronger urges to harm myself when I can't find any emotional pain that would explain the behavior or urge.
If you have any insight on this, I would really appreciate any input. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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Sometimes it's something a trigger we don't even know about. Something we see on someone else were hearing about? Maybe something that is stressing us out, We don't even KNOW it's something that's stressing us out....Sometimes it's something that helps us feel connected and grounded to the world when were isolated from people too long or even our own emotions when we feel nothing you know in that numb state, cutting can become dangerously high? Sometimes that's a dangerous time to tell us that we can even subconsciously be depressed and not even know it....There is a huge list, those are just some things I thought of...I know that I can go for months and not cut and get praise and then just ruin it all and be cutting? ARG??? And I think what caused those months of sobriety from cutting? What happened? I mean it can be the smallest thing the smallest thing too a very big thing that hasn't moved itself to the forefront yet...Take your time write whatever comes to mind when your having those feelings down...Do you have a therapist? If so share your thought's you might just un mask the problem or you ur trigger.... It's never a failure for you though okay all the hard work you have done...You just pick up and keep moving on
