he told me to not be a protector for my little brothers any more - that they are grown men.

being irrationally worried about T - because of what I told him - because of the threats made against me as a child to harm anyone I told. my little part still wanted to make sure T was "OK" ...

I ended up interpreting what he told me as him telling me to not care about HIM. "

Brothers,
Too long now I was sad because I wasn't able to help when I thought I should have been able to help. I spent too much time being mad at myself for not being there to protect you.

I don't care anymore ever and I am sorry.

I did start off writing my brothers in the first part, but by the last line, I was only thinking about my T.

It is hard to care and not care at the exact same time. "Who cares? Not me! I didn't know you before you were my T so why should I care now!"

I know this was the same way I dealt with the threats when I was a kid. I emotionally turned off loving my family because

I felt that would keep me safe from them being hurt.