Ok, so I haven't cut today...yet. I'm trying really hard not to, but the scissors...my utensil of choice recently....are just sitting there, calling my name, and I know that all i have to do is pick them up and cut...it's that simple. I don't know if anyone else does this, but once i cut and get a scab, I start to pick at it, and it's like cutting again and again, each time i pick the scab....which makes the cuts deeper and scar worse. I don't know if that's normal or what, but i do that. I'm sorry that this may trigger, but i thought that if i could get all this stuff out, maybe it would keep me from cutting...and maybe if i can not cut for one day, i can not cut for two days, and so on.... I don't know if i'm just crazy or niave, or what. I mean to think that one day of not cutting would really make a difference, but i wish that i wouldn't have cut at all two nights ago, because then i'd still have my two year record.....i'm such and idiot. Really, I am so damn stupid!....I can't stand how stupid I am. I am so disgusted with myself. I mean, how can i be thinking all these things? HOw can i be feeling sorry for myself, there are so many people out there who have it way worse that I do. I am really lucky...i mean i have a family, and well...not really any friends...but....I don't even know anymore....